TONIGHT WAS A TOUGH ONE. JASMINE DOESN'T LIKE FOR ME TO CRY. I TRIED EXPLAINING TO HER THAT ON THIS DAY AND MOST OTHERS IT IS GOOD TO CRY.

SEEMS IT RAINS EVERY OCT. 16. WHEN I GOT TO THE CEMETARY TONIGHT THERE WAS A NOTE IN A PLASTIC BAG ON HIS STONE HELD DOWN BY 3 ROCKS. IT SAID TO MOLLIE. IT WAS FROM BRANDI (ANT'S FRIEND) I CALLED HER TONIGHT.

IT SEEMS SOMETIMES THAT EVERYONE'S LIFE HAS MOVED ON BUT MINE THEN I SEE THE FLOWERS LEFT AND THE NOTES AND READ AUNT LIN'S STORIES AND I REMEMBER EVERYONE MISSES HIM TOO.

I WAS REMEMBERING A PICTURE THAT I THINK WAS DESTROYED IN THE FIRE. ANTHONY LOVED HIS GUN AND HOLSTER SOOO MUCH THAT HE HAD TO TAKE HIS BATH WITH IT ON. OF COURSE AS HE GOT OUT OF THE TUB ONE DAY I TOOK A FULL PICTURE OF HIM IN IT NAKED EXCEPT FOR HIS PISTOLS. I TRULY PLANNED TO EMBARRASS HIM SOME DAY WITH IT.

WHEN WE LIVED IN ROCKFORD, IL HE ALWAYS SAID IT WAS HIS FAVORITE PLACE THAT WE EVER LIVED. HE WAS THE ONLY KID THAT WAS ALLOWED TO ROLLER BLADE OR SKATEBOARD ON CHERRYVALE MALL PROPERTY AND MADE FRIENDS WITH THE MANAGERS OF THE THEATER (THIS GOT HIM IN TO FREE MOVIES) AND WITH THE GO CART OWNERS WHO DROPPED OFF FREE TICKETS AT ZALES TO ME FOR US TO GO. THEY WERE GOING TO WORK HIM THAT SUMMER SO HE COULD GO FREE ALL THE TIME.

THEN CAME THE MOVE TO VERNON HILLS. THIS WAS HIS LEAST FAVORITE PLACE. HIS UNCLE STEVE DIED THAT YEAR AND HE WAS SO UPSET. HE HAD ONLY GOOD MEMORIES OF THAT SUMMER WITH HIS UNCLE AND THOUGHT HE WAS REALLY COOL BECAUSE HE GAVE HIM A POCKET KNIFE.HE WOULD BE SO PLEASED TO KNOW THAT STEVE'S KIDS ARE A PART OF OUR LIFE AND THAT THEY ARE HERE WITH US NOW.

I ALSO THOUGHT OF THE TIMES THAT I ALMOST COULD HAVE LOST HIM EARLIER. HE MADE IT THRU A PREGNACY THAT HIS TWIN DIED IN. HE ALWAYS HAD AN INVISIABLE FRIEND NAMED TRAVIS. ONE TIME WE FORGOT TRAVIS AT OUR HOUSE IN WHITE HEATH. HE MADE BILL VETETO DRIVE BACK TO THE HOUSE TO GET HIM. BILL SAID PULLED UP IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE AND SAID OK I WILL HONK AND TRAVIS WILL COME OUT. ANTHONY SAID "NO YOU HAVE TO OPEN THE DOOR HE'S ZACTLY MY SIZE AND WE CAN'T REACH THE KNOB" NEEDLES TO SAY BILL WENT IN AND GOT TRAVIS. ANTHONY WAS ABOUT 7 WHEN I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE TWIN. HE SAID I KNOW MOM HIS NAME IS TRAVIS. I REMEMBER GETTING A REALLY WEIRD FEELING WHEN HE SAID THAT.

ONE TIME I PICKED HIM UP FROM GRANDMA SANDY'S HOUSE IT WAS ONLY ABOUT FIVE BLOCKS FROM HOME. HE SAID I DON'T WANT TO WEAR

MY SEAT BELT WE'RE JUST GOING HOME. I MADE HIM PUT IT ON. ONE BLOCK FROM HOME I HIT A VAN BROADSIDE. HE WOULD HAVE GONE THRU THE WINDSHIELD BUT HE DIDN'T THANKS TO HIS SEATBELT.

IN 1995 THE GARAGE WAS ON FIRE RIGHT OUTSIDE HIS BEDROOM WINDOW. IT TOOK THE NEIGHBOR LADY TWO TRIES THRU THE SMOKE TO GET US AWAKE BUT CLEO HEARD AND I GOT US OUT OF THE HOUSE. WE DIDN'T LOSE HIM AGAIN.

IN ROCKFORD AN OLDER KID ASK HIM TO GO SHOOT A BB GUN WITH HIM. THEY SEPARATED GOING ACROSS THE INTERSTATE AND THE KID ACTUALLY HAD A GUN AND SHOT A TRUCK DRIVER ON THE INTERSTATE. AGAIN ANTHONY WAS SAFE.

HE TRIED TO MAKE SOME DECISIONS THAT I CAUGHT AND OTHERS THAT I DIDN'T. I HAVE SO MANY GOOD MEMORIES EVEN THE TIMES HE WAS BAD ARE MOSTLY FUNNY. HE WAS A FASCINATING GUY. LOVE MOM